Living a Life by Design, Not by Default

A lot of people move through life without really steering the wheel. They react, adjust, and respond to what's thrown at them, often without questioning where they're headed or why. Maybe it’s because someone told them what they should do, or maybe they inherited a path that was never theirs to begin with.

Now, sometimes those hand-me-down goals actually do align with our values. But that’s the key: alignment. Living a life by design means making intentional choices that reflect who you are and what matters to you. It’s not reserved solely for adults either. A teenager choosing extracurriculars based on passion rather than peer pressure is already designing their life.

It all starts with values. What are your top three? Seriously, write them down. Then take a step back and ask: Is my current environment, routine, or even my circle of friends supporting these values?

Let’s take a different example. Imagine a young adult who always wanted to be a doctor, but everyone in their family works in sales. Over time, they start to believe maybe that dream doesn’t make sense. They hear it’s too expensive or not worth the years of school. Eventually, they pivot—not because they’ve changed their values, but because the pressure to fit in outweighed the pull of their purpose. That’s a life by default. Not out of laziness, but from passive compromise.

This isn’t about pushing young adults to be hyper achievers or rebels. Even a calm, modest life can be a life by design, if it was chosen with intention.

So if you’re a parent reading this, the goal isn’t to intensely control the direction. It’s to help your young adult identify what drives them and to support their path. That’s where growth happens—not just for them, but for the whole family.