Black & White Thinking

If you’ve ever watched your young adult spiral from “this is the best idea ever” to “I’m probably going to get fired” in under five minutes, you’re not alone. This kind of black-and-white thinking shows up a lot in people with ADHD. It’s not exclusive to them, but wow, can it hit harder when their brains are already juggling 27 tabs at once.

Here's what I often see: the brain is trying to protect them. It imagines the worst possible outcome to help them prepare. That sounds helpful in theory, but in practice, it usually just causes a flood of anxiety. On the flip side? The best-case scenario suddenly feels like the only other option. So now they're bouncing between disaster and fantasy, with no room left for reality. In reality, things are usually way less dramatic and way more manageable.

This can pop up anywhere: prepping for a big meeting at work, starting a new relationship, or even texting someone back. It’s either going to be a complete disaster, or this person is their future spouse. There’s no in-between, at least not in the moment and for parents watching from the sidelines, it can be confusing. Why are they so panicked? Or suddenly so certain this thing is perfect?

As a coach, my job is to help them slow that thought process down. We walk through those extreme scenarios and actually ask, “How likely is that to happen?” Sometimes we even throw in a comical twist, like, “What if your MacBook turned into a black hole during your 1:1 with your boss?” It helps shake them out of the spiral.

In the second part of our work, we get to those “aha” moments. They start to see past examples where things turned out fine or even better than expected. That’s when they realize their brain might be exaggerating a bit. Cue the shocked face. No, the girl in this photo isn’t a client but she definitely looks like she just realized her worst-case scenario didn’t come true.

Black-and-white thinking is sneaky. With practice, we start finding the gray. That’s usually where the real growth happens.